Questions for Byron

Actual answers to actual questions

What is the word for people who use large vocabulary in a sentence incorrectly?

 A. what is large vocabulary, is that some kind of "large vocabulary" ?

If you could break any Guiness World record what would it be?

A. downloading the most megabytes - movies, songs, videos while wearing astronaut diapers

 

 

 

Do sailors have more fun? I love drinking strong wine during a wind storm. Any port in a storm is my motto.?

A. Check with the Port authorities before setting sail and make sure no semen are lost in the storm

Traditionally, the wine is passed "port to port": the host will pour a glass for the person seated at their right and then pass the bottle or decanter to the left (the port side); this practice is then repeated around the table.

Rebuttal: I try to know where all of my seamen are at every moment. Only when my resistance has been lowered by too much port wine do I lose track of them.

Where is Scottie? Do you need him to beam you up, too?

A. Scottie had a son, and was trained as intergalactic beam deployment specialist. he can be reached in the yellow pages for all your beaming needs

If everyone on the planet ate a giant bean burrito at the same time, would it cause a giant fireball in?

(our solar system that would reach all the way to Uranus?)

A.  it would create a wormhole and you would be able to visit your dad

(see the movie Contact for clues)

I am starting a swinging shingles club for hemorrhoid sufferers. Is this a good idea?

I think you should do some Preperation-H before starting a swinging shingles club.

What are 3 ways to take avantage of embarrasing fart situation  ?

1) On a crowded subway "i just farted" , and claim your prized seat after standing for an hour

2) After haggling with a salesman over the price "i just farted scuse me", response: ok i will sell !

3) at a buffet: "ahhh man i just farted" and claim your sole spot at the all you can eat crab table

I have a college degree in philosophy. What are some U.S. companies that are hiring philosophers?

A. To work in the U.S, or not to work in the U.S !

That is the question , whether it tis nobler in the mind, to sweep the floor at Wendy's or flip burgers at Burger King, and by opposing such work find thyself at the unemployment line, on the dole and without a role

What exactly does "i.e" mean?

 idiotic example:

usage: i.e. this is an idiotic example of the definition of i.e.

 

 

What are some positive medical benefits of headbanging to thrash metal music?

A. stress relief

* endorphin release

* lower iq - good for some people, ie teamster union member

* increased circulation

* burns calories

We know the answer to: if a tree falls in the woods does anyone hear it. but what about...?

if a man farts silent in a crowd does anyone smell it?

A. No but the squirrel will grab his nuts and run

What is the best kind of dog to attract girls?

I am looking for a cheap one, but also one that will be easy to sell once I get what I am looking for

A.  Answer: a hot dog, get it ! hot dog

that way you can "dump" it once you get what you looking for - get that too ?!

What do we call a little paper with information on it that a student uses to cheat on an exam?

A.   "belichek"